Hard though it may be to believe, MasterChef isn't my favourite TV programme. Not by a long shot. That honour goes to the quiz show University Challenge as hosted by the redoubtable Jeremy Paxman.
I've always been good at quizzes so, unsurprisingly, it was always my dream to go on University Challenge (I was that kid from Starter for Ten, though I did have a brief flirtation with Blockbusters) and, as a student, I very nearly achieved that dream - I was the reserve for my college team and, wonder of wonders, they passed the auditions and actually got on the show.
So I trundled along with the team up to Granada studios in Manchester in the hope that someone would get food poisoning and I'd graciously step into the breach and save the day. But no, they were all fine. And after that, I graduated and I thought that was that.
Then one day, bored at work, I was reading a trade paper when I saw an ad asking people to apply for a spin-off called University Challenge - The Professionals and so of course I applied ...
It was 2003. I was captain. I led a team of lawyers. I'd really like to say we stormed to victory, but in fact we got absolutely slaughtered. By a bunch of vicars.
Meh, I guess it's only right that God beat Mammon.
Anyway, as a kind of cathartic therapy I suppose, here for your delectation is my deathless appearance on University Challenge. Please don't laugh too much.
I still love Paxo by the way.
And I still clearly love University Challenge - I mean, look what I just bought on eBay: