A long, long time ago, a scamp that I barely knew by the name of the Food Urchin caught me at a vulnerable moment and used some kind of Derren Brown-style trickery to convince me not only to make his dinner for him, but also to package it up and bring it to him.
It turned out he had previous form, as a whole cavalcade of foodies had somehow been suckered one by one into providing sustenance for this miscreant under the auspices of something called Where's My Pork Chop?
What's worse is that, rather than be grateful for our offerings, he felt at liberty to criticise our food and he even began to court the MasterChef finalists, as apparently none of us were high-profile or sexy enough. The swine.
Eventually, we could take no more, and we rebelled and demanded some recompense.
Astonishingly, he more than rose to the challenge with his #WMPCIMU.
Crank up the sound, watch the video and then join me in applauding the Food Urchin, for he is indeed the Fire Pit King.
Incidentally, an imu is an underground oven used in the Hawaiian style of cookery called kālua. So now you know.
And if you're foolish enough to want to join the official Where's My Pork Chop Fanclub, you can do so here.
(music: "Lubbock Street", written by Tom Phillips, performed by Joe Pavos and the Grasshoppers, taken from the soundtrack to Pure Evil II)